I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
