also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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