She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
