took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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