I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have fence marks all over my body
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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