Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
