Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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