We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
