the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
