ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
