i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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