the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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