Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
