In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my shit smells like andre
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
