I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
