I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
