Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
