remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
