It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
