Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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