i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
