Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
