i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize