My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
