The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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