P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
