Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
