He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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