I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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