and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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