I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
