i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
