did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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