THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
