I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
