I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
