I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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