Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
