I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
