I want to have your abortion
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
