So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize