Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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