Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
