her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
