He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How does it feel to date your dad?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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