she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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