I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
