two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize