I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize