I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
