I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
