Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
