Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
