so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize