i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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