You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
