I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
