My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
