it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
