Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
