The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
