I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
