you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
