I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
