so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
