when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
