I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
