trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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