I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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