Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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