So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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